|
nějak se mi tam opakují slova.. no, neva.
+ obrázky, jéj.
 27.05.2016 3 912(8) 0 |
the state of mind
i´m in
right now
in my bed
by myself
with you
on my mind
mind tease
throat squeeze
and body in heat
my face soaked up
in liquid in bitter-sweet
sweet nor passionate
as it seems to be
the climax of blue
shivers out all agonies
i´m in
right now
in my bed
by myself
with you
on my mind
mind tease
throat squeeze
and body in heat
my face soaked up
in liquid in bitter-sweet
sweet nor passionate
as it seems to be
the climax of blue
shivers out all agonies
29.05.2016 - 22:54okay, so, if you want to write in english, do it properly or don't do it. i'd say that writing in english and publishing it on a servers where the majority of users speaks czech is not very efficient, but i do it as well so i'm not the one to talk about that. anyway - 'mind tease' and 'throat squeeze' don't really make sense grammatically and kind of murder the poem which didn't seem so bad at the beginning and then it all goes to hell, especially at the beginning of the second stanza. you can't have 'nor' without a 'neither' preceding it, this is not maths. also, 'the climax shivers out agonies would've been a great phrase had it been written intentionally but something tells me you had a different meaning on your mind. the entire thing is painfully czech and might've been good if written /in/ czech.
Pokud chcete vložit komentář, musíte se přihlásit.
an orgasm of the squeamish one : trvalý odkaz | tisk | RSS komentářů
| podobná díla
Předchozí dílo autora : Poušť
» vyhledávání
» menu
literatura [58/330] tématické soutěže chodník slávy chodník hanby nápověda pravidla pro autory podpořte nás kontakt statistiky online: 0» hrátky
Rýmy Náhodná slova Náhodné věty Generátor textu --- Puzzle Oběšenec Kámen, nůžky, papír Pexeso» narozeniny
Duše zmítaná bouří reality [17], Asinar van Martinaq [17], Burak [12], Therésia [12], Erma [11], ŠoDO [7]» řekli o sobě
Le Jerrr řekl o Delivery :Teress...bezva holka...sem rád, že sem přežil zu změnu...po cca třech letech se člověk změní....a musím dodat, že Teress už je velká ženská a moc jí to sluší...takže chlapy, kluci, hoši či junáci-DEJTE SI NA NÍ BACHA!!!!: )
