mourning

i wonder if the cat we left on the side of the road in the shade because i was too scared to kill it is still in pain. i wonder if her fur is now cold, if it is still as soft as it was when i pet it so that she wouldn't be so alone, dying, in a ditch by the road, struck by some careless person in a car, driving to something or other important in their big, noisy life, extinguishing an existence of quiet poise, tiny paws and soft fur as a meaningless casualty. i wonder what her name was, whether she liked people, i wonder what cats think about when they die. i wonder if i should've killed her, if it would have been kinder.